American Cars

Hopefully my last effort at dishing out the Americas. This time its more of the things that I know a little about. And also some of my friends have also asked about this post for quite sometime. Lets put the crux of the matter first, american cars are horrible, simple, end of matter. Why ?

• Handling or the non-existence of it.
• Turning radius as big as the earth's.
• Huge engines with very low power.

In an attempt to make the car more comfy they isolated almost all world environments which would give a feedback to most parts of the car. The steering turns the wheels but when you are turning the steering one has no idea how much the wheels are actually turning. The suspension is too soft to communicate anything except give you an illusion that one is on a boat.

I bet they did this all in good faith. They just wanted you know to know that you can actually turn a 3 ton brute with your finger (the little finger if you are strong enough) and you can definitely go for a luxury cruise to the grocery shop !!

Don't want to say anything more. THE END. Seeya.

Playing Turncoat

What I am putting together is just what I think, its nothing new. We all probably have thoughts which are on the same lines.

The presence of God. The most debated thing in the entire world. This is just one more drop in the ocean.

Enough introductions lets get on with it. God. The concept of God is just a stroke of genius, a fantastic thought. And the thought is, God was a character created by our ancestors to keep us sane.He is a multi faceted character. He was/is the first psychiatrist known to mankind. Think about it, we tell God all our miseries and we feel better , the weight in our heart is lifted. Isnt that what most counsellings are about ? We talk to him about what we want, what frustrates us and what not thereby venting our feelings and making our lives less miserable. Isnt that what most people expect from a shrink ?

He is a source of hope. The one thing in this entire world who is with you always, he keeps optimism alive and kicking till the end ! We pray for certain things to happen and what are they if not a hope ? God offers a constant support. One has to accept the fact that more we pray to him and the more promises we make. This just keeps us going. You trust him, you are always on his shoulder leaning for support.

Also God was defined as a "Role model". There have been so many stories told about the righteousness, the suffering they endured. Their morals are flawless. We look to them for molding our characters. There are so many festivals based on what they did, probably just to remind us what we are supposed to do.

We can explain the creation of the universe with Big bang theories and theories of evolution. We can even explain things which happen to us, the incidents with the chaos theory, the butterfly effect thereby establishing a bit of our lack of control our future.

So there you have to it, there is God for you. A master stroke by our ancestors which has kept us going till date. So is God a work of fiction ??

The one main argument that completely shoots all the above arguments to a new galaxy is, if there is "No God" how do we explain the fact that every human being born on the face of the earth is equally talented. Someone in someway is special (No I am not getting corny here) . Think about there is always talent somewhere in someone and the chances are we suck big time at that. That makes the world a level playing field. How do we explain that ? DNA ? From what little I know, what prevents the offspring to take just the non-important parts from his parents ? But that doesn't happen does it ? There is always a some talent in a person. Doesn't this point to an external agency messing around with our genes and telling them what gets passed on and what doesn't. Isnt that convincing enough for the presence of God ?

There are we have come a full circle. Phew!!!

Indian F1

This post is a complete rumination of how things could have been or will be in Force India.

Since the launch of Force India most of the people I talk to ask me if I already have a job with them. (I obviously dont, not that I wont take it if being offered or anything). So it all started at this point when me and my fellow motorsport engineer spent a couple of hours discussing how a true blue India team (make it a south Indian team while at it)should be. Here goes the essential to do stuff for getting the transformation done to make team Force "India".

We shall start from the all important kannu padamal irrukka / nazar/bad eye repelling lime and chilli in the front. See this doesnt even affect the performance of the vehicle by much, due to the shape. The lime is perfectly spherical thereby having a low frontal area and thereby a lower drag co-efficient. The chilli on the other hand if oriented in the right direction would act as a winglet producing some downforce which is awesome stuff. But the orientation is the key, fellows! So in the pits we would have some allen keys to adjust the orientation of them.

Then comes the photo of the bhootham with tongue out. The same type we hang outside our houses. Come on people the chilli cant handle it all. We need the gory / scary face to repel the bad eyes. So the rear wing will be painted with that. This is will also have a great psychological effect on the driver coming to overtake the car. Picture this, the face moving at about 300 kmph in front of you. Scary. We also thought of making Mallya do that pose we certainly think it will be more scary.
Thinking about it still.

The whole body of the car will be painted with the "ishta deivam" of the team. After much deliberation it was decided that it should be the "Murugar with Vel" (of the "Rani" calendar fame). We are confident that this will help us force more cool air into the ducts and keep the engine cool. Vettri vel Muruganukku arrogara!!

Now that the car is done lets come to the mechanics and the drivers. The drivers are going to be our very own "pallavan" drivers. The car will be fitted with air horns. ( they seriously dont know how to drive without horns). Scene,"Force India car 1 coming to overtake Lewis Hamilton, pa pa pa paaam paam, watha lewisu saavu graaki ootanda sollikunnu vanthittiya kailla kadache nasthi ayiduvva". Overtaking complete. Very Possible.

The pit lane will have a F1 stop board about 15 feet away. Come on they are our pallavan drivers. Instead of the lollypop man to signal the car it will be a bang bang on the body and a "pollam right". The car will zoom away crushing the blessed limes under the tyres.

The race engineers will shed their Nomex suits and switch to "Veshti sattai". Veshti will be worn in true Raj kiran Style, Pattapatti showing with veshti in dabba kattu.

If you had seen a race you will remember the quick banana snack they take. Not our race engineers, namma aalunga full carrier meals adikkame vidamattanga. The team pit garage will also feature a "Nair tea stall" for the benefit of the driver and the mechanics. So you will hear radio conversations like " Master oru special paal tea"
For countering any problems the ECU will have headphones on it. Our captain , Vijay Kanth's dialogs of " kanna intha racela 22 cars irrukku athulla 11 company ella ECUme FIA supplied ippo nee off annenna nee namma nattukku throgam pannra. Then ECU sends data and captain says mannippu enaakku telemetryla pudikkathe vartha" hoohaha...
So this will be our team of the future.

P.S : What inspired me to doing this post is this photo http://www.formula1.com/news/interviews/2008/4/7630.html
the third photo of the 4 look to the immediate right of Fisi's leg. Recognize the photo ? Its our very own Tirupati Venkatachalapthi. So me and my friend werent far off. So here we come people Watch out.

The season

I know people are dying to want to hear my season's comments. And all I can say now just after watching the Malaysian gp is this is going to be one great season. One for the history books. This exactly what they call a level playing field or any body's season i guess. In Australia the performance of the Ferrari was abysmal especially Kimi's (my frnd is going to kill me for saying that aloud). I felt as if when he was pressurized he forgot that he no longer had the Traction Control and got it all wrong. I was very pissed off with his performance. But I have to give the devil its due he drove a perfect race in Malaysia. From the word go or should I say from the phrase 'Five lights and they go off and this marks the start of the Malaysian Grandprix'?

The BMW's showed a good form in the Oz and so was their performance at the Malaysian watch out guys the BMW's have arrived. The surprise at the Malaysian was the Toyota. They were nowhere last season. Suggests that money wasnt burnt at cologne. We all expected Lewis to be the man of this season at least I was. There is the new kid in the mclaren block Heiki he is awesome. Dont know what the mclarens are doing but they are definitely having a great driver arsenal. Awesome.

I felt the stab when the mclaren's made the 'Business as usual lewis' but the Ferrari did spring back. I would have loved the same hit back from the Ferrari. But they dont broadcast their radio so .... pity indeed. It was damn good to hear the Italian anthem being played. I was excited as I would be if the Indian anthem was played. The anthem kind of has grown up on me. Hope Vijay mallya is listening and we all Indians get a chance to conduct the anthem from our couches with the remote on hand. That would be definitely damn good. Even more good if its a double whammy. Is Narain or Chandok being inducted in the 'Force' ? If so guys get a darth vader helmet. The force and all. (Sorry Couldnt resist :D)

So this is going to be a great season dont miss it for anything in this world and by chance you dont follow f1. This is the best season start watching. Beats the shit out of 'sex and the city'.

I am the having fun!!!!

Quality of life

Quality of life this is something a lot of people tell me that its better in the US. I beg to differ at the least. The quality of life sucks big time here. What is quality of life ?? That is the most important question. Is it just that the air you breathe is clean of Hydrocarbons or Is it that the roads are clean ? Well I don't think so. Because according to me, these are things which fascinate you when you have just arrived in the US of A. Or to that matter to any developed country. I hope my fellow student NRI's agree (also people doesnt it get on your nerves when they refer to India as third world country every time? We have almost everything these guys can afford to buy) What according to me quality of life is, living it to the fullest, enjoying every moment. You can ask me what is stopping me from doing it here. A couple of things.The conversion factor, its frigging irritating I tell you.

I don't know what gets into the people who come and settle here they tend to be overly conscious about their health, maybe its due to the health system, I wonder. They tell you not to use plastics for vessels no teflon for cooking no to ready to eat stuff (tell me how will a bachelor with no cooking skills survive ?) So you have to listen to all that. And talking of cooking, should i explain ? All of us have been spoilt with good food. So every meal is a huge depressing ordeal. Did I hear someone say food outside ? I have no idea why, all Indian restaurants I have been, I have been to a couple btw, they all have the same menu. Naan Aloo subji Palak paneer samosas gulab jamuns and chicken tikka. Other cuisines are nowhere near stomach filling, atleast for a Vegetarian it isnt. That isnt a great quality of life here.

And If you need to go out like so many people would have pointed out you need to visit weather.com get the forecast for the day and dress accordingly. How pathetic !!! The weather tends to be a bleedingly boring thing. It would be all bright and warm in the morning, urging you to get in your shorts after sometime it might even start snowing. How is that ? There is also saying around here, "If you dont like the weather just stick around for sometime its going to change" Bah! With all that layering you dont feel like going out at all. Nor here.

The worst part is you will be in a room looking at your computer screen. You feel so detached from the entire world. The entire world you see is through a broken video of a webcam. If it is some festival you spend it by people calling from India on video conference and telling you that they are missing you. And you would typically go to the Indian association's celebration on a 'convenient' weekend.

People are always working. They get bored if they dont work because there is nothing to do. They dont even have time for each other. Yes it is the same case in India too. Office drop kids at school pick them up drop them at some practice then come home cook pick them up eat sleep. No cooking in the morning mind you.

Overall the quality of life in India looks a lot better. Yes this is a mega scale rant. But I just had to get it off my chest.

An addition

I heard from one of my friend that Mahindra is also planning to build a Small car a la Tata. If you had also read the day after the Nano's news of the Auto expo you would have found that Bajaj is also ready with a Small car and about to put it into production. So Ladies and Gentlemen there you have it Two wheelers as a frugal means of transport is on the verge of extinction that is good in a way, there will be medium and large capacity bikes, Oh oh I forgot they are already there. Yamaha. Hoo hoo.

I guess what is remaining is the Cities to be planned at Godspeed to accommodate these cars !!

India Shining Indeed

No this is not a part of an Old BJP campaign (Just curious do they still use it somewhere?). India is making huge moves and i mean HUGE. And the area of course is a you might have guessed/heard is in F1. As if Vijay Mallya buying a team is not enough there might just be one more Indian team on the field. Team Super Aguri is having talks with an Indian consortium comprising of telecomm guys Spice and Tata (Sorry for these deviations I just cant control it, Do you know Tata and Mahindra are battling for the acquisition of Jaguar and Land Rover ? Thats definitely somethingah)

So there you have it by this time next year we will be hoping to have Two F1 race teams and a race track. India shining indeed!!! And did you know that Bernie Eccelstone, The Big B himself, was the person pushing everybody to make the Indian GP a reality. It seems he had said that India where the economy is. Agreed. India and China. But i wonder does China have its own car manufacturer who has international presence let alone fielding a F1 team ?(If you are wondering about Indian car companies, Yes Tata and Mahindra have a worldwide presence, that is mainly in the African continent and not to mention the introduction of the Tata Indica in the UK as the City Rover. I mention it at the last because i want to keep this on a positive note as much as possible ;) Hope you get the drift. Or else just google 'City Rover + reviews'.)

I was in a seminar conducted by a Claude Rouelle, a great race engineer. He also mentioned that he believes India is where the economy is and he would put his money on India rather than on China! See so people are definitely noticing India. So its high time we can say that India has arrived in the International scenario and also high time to lift her Self-esteem not that it is low or anything. Somehow I feel people should stop complaining and take a look around and if they want difference its they who should do it.

Sheesh! And I said I wanted to keep it on a positive note bah!! It has ended up like some cheesy award film. But I'm going ahead and putting this on.