Indian F1

This post is a complete rumination of how things could have been or will be in Force India.

Since the launch of Force India most of the people I talk to ask me if I already have a job with them. (I obviously dont, not that I wont take it if being offered or anything). So it all started at this point when me and my fellow motorsport engineer spent a couple of hours discussing how a true blue India team (make it a south Indian team while at it)should be. Here goes the essential to do stuff for getting the transformation done to make team Force "India".

We shall start from the all important kannu padamal irrukka / nazar/bad eye repelling lime and chilli in the front. See this doesnt even affect the performance of the vehicle by much, due to the shape. The lime is perfectly spherical thereby having a low frontal area and thereby a lower drag co-efficient. The chilli on the other hand if oriented in the right direction would act as a winglet producing some downforce which is awesome stuff. But the orientation is the key, fellows! So in the pits we would have some allen keys to adjust the orientation of them.

Then comes the photo of the bhootham with tongue out. The same type we hang outside our houses. Come on people the chilli cant handle it all. We need the gory / scary face to repel the bad eyes. So the rear wing will be painted with that. This is will also have a great psychological effect on the driver coming to overtake the car. Picture this, the face moving at about 300 kmph in front of you. Scary. We also thought of making Mallya do that pose we certainly think it will be more scary.
Thinking about it still.

The whole body of the car will be painted with the "ishta deivam" of the team. After much deliberation it was decided that it should be the "Murugar with Vel" (of the "Rani" calendar fame). We are confident that this will help us force more cool air into the ducts and keep the engine cool. Vettri vel Muruganukku arrogara!!

Now that the car is done lets come to the mechanics and the drivers. The drivers are going to be our very own "pallavan" drivers. The car will be fitted with air horns. ( they seriously dont know how to drive without horns). Scene,"Force India car 1 coming to overtake Lewis Hamilton, pa pa pa paaam paam, watha lewisu saavu graaki ootanda sollikunnu vanthittiya kailla kadache nasthi ayiduvva". Overtaking complete. Very Possible.

The pit lane will have a F1 stop board about 15 feet away. Come on they are our pallavan drivers. Instead of the lollypop man to signal the car it will be a bang bang on the body and a "pollam right". The car will zoom away crushing the blessed limes under the tyres.

The race engineers will shed their Nomex suits and switch to "Veshti sattai". Veshti will be worn in true Raj kiran Style, Pattapatti showing with veshti in dabba kattu.

If you had seen a race you will remember the quick banana snack they take. Not our race engineers, namma aalunga full carrier meals adikkame vidamattanga. The team pit garage will also feature a "Nair tea stall" for the benefit of the driver and the mechanics. So you will hear radio conversations like " Master oru special paal tea"
For countering any problems the ECU will have headphones on it. Our captain , Vijay Kanth's dialogs of " kanna intha racela 22 cars irrukku athulla 11 company ella ECUme FIA supplied ippo nee off annenna nee namma nattukku throgam pannra. Then ECU sends data and captain says mannippu enaakku telemetryla pudikkathe vartha" hoohaha...
So this will be our team of the future.

P.S : What inspired me to doing this post is this photo http://www.formula1.com/news/interviews/2008/4/7630.html
the third photo of the 4 look to the immediate right of Fisi's leg. Recognize the photo ? Its our very own Tirupati Venkatachalapthi. So me and my friend werent far off. So here we come people Watch out.